The
Spanky Bottom Consultation.
By
Josephine Sanchez Vanner
Chapter
4 – Sex. Sin. And a sisterly misunderstanding.
Rodney
awoke with the satisfaction of someone who was making a lot of money.
He stretched, scratched and rubbed his balls for some considerable
time before pressing his bedside bell.
“Come
in.” He answered to the soft knock a few minutes later.
“Good
morning missa Wodnee.” Dolores, his Filipino maid came in carrying
his breakfast tray. Before laying it carefully across his knees, she
fluffed up his pillows and arranged him comfortably in an up-right
position.
As
Dolores bent over the bed, Rodney resisted with some difficulty, the
temptation to put his hand up her uniform and have a general fiddle.
“Don't
screw with the staff. It makes it difficult to replace them when they
sue.” His father had spoken with a tone of experience. As it was
the only piece of advice his father ever gave him, Rodney decided it
had to be worth following.
“You
wun me run baf fo you?” Dolores asked in her own peculiar brand of
English.
It
had taken Rodney a couple of weeks before he understood a word she
was saying to him, after several misunderstandings and an unwanted
sponge bath, Rodney had learnt to interpret her almost unintelligible
accent with ease.
“No
thank you. I will shower today. No need to run me a bath.”
After
a long hot shower and the feeling that every oyster in the world
belonged to him, Rodney bounced down the majestic staircase of
Rawlings Hall, blissfully unaware that within a very few minutes his
bubble of euphoria would be burst.
“Good
morning Giles. Isn't it a wonderful day. Your gays performed like
circus acrobats last night, I didn't know it was possible for men to
have such agility. Damn good idea of yours installing two-way
mirrors, the DVD’s should prove very popular.” Rodney chirped
looking forward to his first job of the day, counting the takings
from the previous evening.
“Your
sister Audrey's just rung. She's coming for the week-end and she's
bringing people with her. She wants the Chinese room made ready for
guests, a room for herself and another room for someone called
Jasper.” Giles responded.
Hearing
this unexpected appalling news, Rodney missed the last step and fell
forward with a heavy thud, twisting his ankle awkwardly. Sitting on
the marble tiled floor of the spacious and once elegant hallway, now
decorated with statues of naked men and women having sex in an
assortment of differing anatomical positions. He stammered, oblivious
to the throbbing pain in his rapidly swelling ankle, “She's what?”
“She's
coming for the week-end. She's just telephoned. She'll be here this
afternoon and she's bringing people with her. “ Giles repeated
slowly.
“But
– but- but -that's today. What the hell are we going to do about
all this?” He waved a hand in the general direction of the sexually
rampant alabaster figures. “I mean we're fully booked. Typical of
the stupid bitch not to give enough notice. Now what the fuck are we
going to ?”
Giles
raised a supercilious eyebrow, before he could say anything, Rodney
exclaimed, “We are not going to do anything. You are going to phone
her back and put her off.” Rodney hated it when Giles showed his
superiority with a simple expression.
Unruffled
Giles replied, “I've tried. She is adamant. She's going to be here
this afternoon and she's coming with company. Russians, and
apparently they think you are an aristocrat, so she wants you to
pretend to be a Lord.” With that he turned on his heel and left
Dolores struggling to help Rodney up.
Y
Y Y Y
Audrey
Elizabeth Evelyn August St John, had never married. The shining
example of manhood Rodney had impressed on his sister filled her with
a zealot's seal to remain – singularly intact. Not only had she
never married but at 47 she was still a cock virgin. Her sexual
relief came from a large silicone vibrator with detachable heads and
varying speeds, for, as the brochure put it, climactic joy. Bobby, as
she liked to call her night time friend, always came with her on her
frequent business trips. Along with her personal assistant Jasper.
“Bobby's
cheaper than hiring one of the locals. You never know where they have
been.” A favorite quote to Jasper, who was himself an enthusiastic
hirer of locals, both male and female.
Audrey
Augusts St John was a driven woman. Driven mainly by an anger, that
saw her feckless half-wit of a brother inherit the family fortune,
whilst she got nothing but a lonely childhood and a second rate
education. She never went to the Swiss finishing school Rodney
thought he'd paid for, instead she diverted the money into her own
bank account and started The Audrey St John PR Agency. Hard work,
long hours and an uncanny knack for knowing who to bribe and who was
a good candidate for blackmail had made her the most successful and
sort after publicist between London and New York.
Her
ruthless business practices won her no friends and plenty of enemies,
none of which she gave a rat's fart about. She was going to pull off
the biggest deal of her business life. Olek Dmitri Pullemov,
billionaire oligarch was about to sign an exclusive contract with her
agency to publicize his recently bought shipping and airline company.
His
wife Olga, the real money and power behind the Pullemov throne, held
deep seated opinions on everything, mainly upholding high sexual
moral values, and her total revulsion of anything to do with
homosexuality. She kept a close watch on her husband's fidelity, with
good reason. Olek preferred his women 30 years younger and at least 5
stone lighter. He also had a hankering for South Asian women.
But
above all of that, the one thing that really pushed Olga's buttons,
was her sycophantic love for the British aristocracy. One week-end
stay at Rawlings Hall, and Audrey was sure Olek would be told to sign
on the dotted line. She put down the telephone with the satisfaction
that her useless over privileged brother, would at last have a reason
for his existence. One week-end of aristocratic fawning, and Olek's
multi million dollars, would soon be winging their way into her Swiss
bank account.
$
$ $ $
“The
Chinese suite. She wants the Chinese suite. She can't have the bloody
Chinese suite, it's now the S & M and bondage love cage.”
Rodney sat slumped in his office chair, his foot resting on his desk
with a bag of frozen peas across his ankle to help get the swelling
down.
“I
don't see how you can stop her.”
Rodney
didn't like Giles's tone at all. If he hadn't known better he'd have
thought Giles was enjoying this disastrous turn of events.
“There
must be some way we can stop her.” He whined knowing full well
there wasn't.
The
codicil on his parents will, stated quite clearly, he got everything
if he looked after his sister and that included her right to visit
the family home whenever she wanted to. Break the codicil, and
everything became Audrey's, and as the estate had technically paid
for his racehorse and Jaguar sports car, she got those too.
As
Rodney mused this over, it occurred to him that the will didn't say
anything about what state the house should be in when she got there.
As far as he was concerned she and her uninvited guests could take
Rawlings Hall as they found it. And screw her, which was very likely
to happen as the week-end was booked for a ladies school reunion and
he'd laid on extra consorts. Fortunately as the S & M and bondage
love cage hadn't been required, her Russians could have it. Audrey
could have Giles's room and Jasper, whoever he was, could sleep in
the attic. Giles would have to bunk with Jasper. Pleased with this
exceptional ability for organization, he poured himself a large malt
whiskey and settled down to read the racing papers, quickly falling
into an untroubled sleep helped by a combination of whiskey and
painkillers.
“All
right you long stream of piss. What the fuck have you done to
Rawlings?” Rodney awoke with a start.
“Pardon?”
He winced.
“I
said you turd stuck to a dog's arse - what have you done to the
Chinese suite and my family home? I have Olek and Olga Pullemov
coming here in less than an hour and they are expecting to see an
aristocratic country house not a sodding brothel.”
“Err.”
As his senses parted he realized a tall woman, with a mass of blonde
hair was leaning too close to his face shouting at him.
It
took him a moment or two before he recognized his sister, “You've
changed your hair color. Suits you.”
“Don't
sidestep the issue. What is going on?” On the few occasions Rodney
and Audrey had met it was never longer that a simple hello as they
bypassed each other on the way to somewhere. He didn't need to know
the woman standing in-front of him that well, to see she was spitting
dummies at him. Where the fuck was Giles, when he wanted him.
Thinking
on his one good foot, Rodney replied, “I think I've improved the
old place, giving it a more modem aspect.”
The
rapidly moving twitch she seemed to have developed told him she
wasn't buying it.
“I...”
She
cut him sort, “I'll tell you what you have done. You useless excuse
for a human being. You – have just lost me several million pounds.
And if you think I am going to take that lying down you are very much
mistaken.”
He
was about to point out that the act of lying down was actually making
him lot of money when the door crashed open and Carlo stormed into
Rodney's study.
“I
won't work under these circumstances. I am an artiste. When I screw
the ladies they know they've been screwed. My foreplay is a legend
across 4 counties.” Carlo stood crossed arms waiting for a
reaction.
“And
– yes. What in god's name are a dozen or so semi-naked men doing
running around the house with their pricks hanging out?” Audrey
pointed at Carlo, whose not insubstantial penis was jutting out from
his patent leather dick pouch, fully erect from the Viagra pill he'd
not long taken.
“I
– madam.” Carlo pulled himself up to his full stature of 5 foot
4, he hadn't been hired for his height, “Am – not responsible for
the fat Russian woman fainting. If I had known she didn't want me to
pull off her panties I wouldn't have. I am a professional, and if
anyone wants my professional cock, and I expect they will, I shall be
in the hot-tub.” Mustering all his dignity, he strode back into the
hallway, wiggling his bare arse as he walked.
Audrey's
twitch made in down the side of her face, all the way to her upper
lip, “You - remove that bag of frozen vegetables from your ankle
and limp behind me.”
The
door to the Chinese suite was open and Olga Pullemov was lying
unconscious across the heart shaped king-sized bed. Her husband was
kneeling over her, smacking her across the face and shouting
something, Rodney assumed by the man's tone, was, “Wake up you
stupid bitch.”
He
stopped for a second as she groaned slightly, then went back to
whacking with his original enthusiasm.
“I
say old boy.” Rodney intervened, clutching hold of Olek's hand
before he had a chance of another thwack, “I think this is how it's
done.”
Limping
across to the bathroom Rodney returned with a wet cloth in his hand,
laying it across Olga's bright red cheeks he soothed, “There, there
dear lady. Nothing to worry about just a bit of a misunderstanding.”
Her
groan became a hmm. Opening insipid blues eyes she peered up into
Rodney's concerned expression, softly uttered, “Is that you my
lord.” In better English than either Rodney or Audrey were
expecting.
“Absolutely
dear lady. Let me introduce myself, Lord Rodney Augusts St John, Earl
of Rawlings. I believe you know my sister the countess.” In for a
penny – in for a pound, Rodney thought as he pulled Olga into a
sitting position.
The
smile spreading across Audrey's wide mouth and her non twitching
facial muscles said he'd been forgiven. They both knew he'd always
been a convincing liar.
“My
lord there was a very strange man in the room. He tried to touch my
private parts.”
“Take
no notice dear lady. I am afraid, cousin Rupert is a cross we Augusts
St John's have to bare. Inbreeding has taken a terrible toll on the
family. It is such a pity that you have come to Rawlings at the time
of our annual family get together.”
Olga's
cupid bow lips mouthed, “Your family? The house is going to be full
of aristocrats?”
“Just
the important ones, dear lady.”
“Oh
my. I am spending the week-end with royalty.” With that Olga slid
out from Rodney's grasp and back into unconsciousness.
They
left Olga to sleep off her second faint, quietly removing from the
room, all the whips, face clamps, studded high heeled boots etc.
Seizing
this unexpected opportunity of freedom from his wife's very vigilant
watch, Olek, went in search of the almond eyed, olive skinned, beauty
he saw carrying a serving tray of full champagne glasses.
Y
Y Y Y
The
characters in this short novella are not based on any real person and
are purely fictional from the author's furtive imagination.
I
hope you enjoyed this 4th chapter in my naughty novella -
coming soon.
Chapter
5 – The Naked Oligarch Uncoupling.
Josephine
Sanchez Vanner
Half
Blood – Turning the Pages Magazine,
2013 Adventure Book of the Year & 2013 Paranormal Book of the
year.
Award
winning novel about alien vampires from a distant galaxy, who are the
good guys.
The
Warlock's Woman. A beautiful psychic, an evil warlock and
a sexy ghost. A love triangle with an unexpected twist at the end.
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Slim Stay Slim – Permanently - shows
you, through the use of self-hypnosis, the secret to reducing unwanted
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My
other blog, connected to my weight reduction book with helpful ideas
on how to maintain continuous weight reduction.
photo
courtesy of freedidgitalphotos.net
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