How
to be a spectacularly
Unsuccessful
author.
Yep
you read the title correctly.
It's
not difficult to write a bad novel. Thousands upon thousands of
authors do it every day, and then up-load their efforts onto Amazon,
and, I might add, an unsuspecting reading public.
Writing
an unsuccessful novel is a bit like casual sex.
Deeply
disappointing when you don't achieve an orgasm or sell as many books
as you thought you would.
There's
enough - 'How to write a successful novel' - books to repopulate a
rain forest.
And
there is also a whole bunch of them waiting to be read for free on
Amazon. I'm thinking if they were so good, how come they are free?
Wannabe best-selling writers would be clamouring to pay oodles of
cash for such good advice, if it really got the results that the 'how
to' books promised.
If the advice is good - then it won't be free. If the advice is bad,
then it probably is free. I don't see the top authors doing a
promotional giveaway day. They don't need to.
Am
I a successful author? Well I do have a contract with an American
publisher, so yeah I guess I am, though I won't be giving up my day
job – just yet.
Then, I never expected to make a fabulous living out of writing. Neither
should any new author. Hey, it's a shit job - but someone has to do
it.
If
you follow all the advice of what you should do to be successful, and
you are getting nowhere fast – then it stands to reason it's time
to look at the whole thing from a different perspective.
Scroll
down through Twitter on any given day, and among the interesting
quotes there is streams of junk tweets trying to get us to buy their
services, products and of course, books. I usually bypass them very
quickly. Same goes for Facebook. Loads of ads just waiting for a
swift scroll past.
Has
advertising on Social Media sold you shit loads of books?
No.
Then strike out Social Media as a potential source of income.
An
obvious one this – don't try and persuade friends and family to buy
your books. They may be polite about your story, but they sure as
hell won't be truthful if your writing is bad. And if you don't know
the truth about how awful your writing is – then you won't be able
to improve it. If, it is possible to improve it, which it might not
be.
Don't
believe everything editors and or agents tell you when they reject
your story.
Editors
are people too. They don't always want to hurt a would be author.
Though some get their rocks of at being cruel to the hopeful publishing candidate who has
landed on their desk. Those editors, and you will know who they are,
should be ignored and forgotten about.
Generally
speaking editors will try and give you good commercial advice – but
with all advice, it is subjective, so don't always take their
opinions as absolute. It is their opinion. Then again, don't reject
it out of hand.
If
you have come to the conclusion you are a terrible writer, and you can't
get a publisher or an agent to tell you otherwise. The books you have
self-published are selling zero, and the whole wretched business is
tearing you apart – then why should you not give up?
All
those books saying – don't give up – well fuck them. They are not
the ones suffering. Or maybe they are, especially if they are giving
their advice book away for free.
Thing
is, if you don't give a shit, and don't have unrealistic expectations,
you can write away, and thanks to Indie publishing, bung your trash
on the reading public, and have fun at the same time.
Essentially
– that's what you should be doing. Enjoying the journey of writing,
and not constantly dreaming about getting to the end of the trip.
Of
course, along the way, it doesn't hurt to learn about grammar,
putting prose together, and how to use your creative imagination to
formulate a block busting book.
So
you are not successful. Who cares? The people who buy and sell books
that's for sure. They are only interested in the well-known, and the
commercially, going to make them a buck, novelist.
Are
you tearing your hair out worrying about getting reviews? – Well.
Stop it!
Stop
begging at the doors of bloggers who might, if you are very lucky,
put up a half hearted review at best or a real shitty review at
worst.
Chances
are you will only get a good review from them, if you buy advertising
space on their, on-line magazine or blog. And chances are, even if
you do get a half decent review, it may not sell you any books.
I've
probably said this before, but I will say it again. I read about a
newbie author who spent $5,000 on advertising her book to earn in
royalties a miserable - $3,000.
The
moral of this. Don't waste your cash.
Book
signings. Now there's a thing. You go and buy a bunch load of your
books from your publisher at a not very reduced cost, and sit all day
in a two-bit book store that only wants you, so it can say, its' had
a steady stream of customers that day. After the book store's take,
and your publisher's take, what are you left with?
In
all likelihood - Sweet Fanny Adams.
So
how am I ever going to be a stunning success? You ask
Simply
– stop giving a damn.
Write
because you want to. Empty your mind of 'what might be' and
concentrate on 'what is'.
The
what is, is this.
You
like writing. No you love writing.
Some people have gardens as their passion. Others, drawing, or sewing
or getting pissed.
You,
your passion is thinking up your next great plot. Nobody may ever
read it. Who cares? You don't. That's the true key to success. Not
giving two farts about whether the book you have so lovingly written,
edited, and somehow managed to get published actually is a resounding
Fifty Shades of Grey success.
Selling
the thing is a by-product.
Stop worrying about how many book sales you are going to make, so you can free up your mind and be more creative in getting your name, as
an author, out there in the cyber space of book world.
And
don't let it destroy your day, when a book as bad as Fifty Shades
makes shit loads of money. Go passed the emotion, it's not worth the
pain.
I
can hear a lot of readers of this article saying, “Hey that's
terrible advice. You have to give marketing all your effort.”
Well
blah blah blah.
Facebook
is stuffed full of stupid pictures saying, 'Never give up on your
dreams'. Truth is that is one of the biggest crock of smelly stuff I
have ever read. Some dreams are just not possible.
I
am five foot nothing, with an English size 3 shoe. I am never going
to be taller, and I am never going to be able to go into a shoe shop
and have as much choice as the lucky size 4's and up. I've got over
it. And I don't care anymore.
If
your dream is unrealistic because you are a crap writer, then find
something else to do for a hobby. And stop hitting your head against
that very hard brick wall.
If
you are a great writer, then stop worrying about how you will get to
the end of your writing rainbow, and concentrate on enjoying the
journey because if you have the talent, then you will have the luck
to make it as one of the very few who do make it to the top.
Me?
I shall keep writing, not because I am expecting to be famous, but
because I don't care if I'm not.
I'm
happy being me. Happy writing the stuff I write. Most of all, I'm
happy knowing I am going to be one of the very few!! Perhaps – but
then who gives a shit. I don't.
thanks
for reading this post...and if you enjoy my articles – please share
them --
The
Riotous Writer
More
of my books – through my American publisher.
The
Warlock's Woman
Half
Blood
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