Friday, 27 December 2013

Dear Author

Reading between the lines.

A light-hearted look at what an editor could really be thinking when they send out a 'no thank you' letter?

Dear Author

Thank you for sending your novel, Seductress Succubus, to Small Press Publications.

Thank you, I don't think. What a load of old crap.

Unfortunately at this time, your novel does not fit with our current market strategy.

Nor is it ever likely too.

I do appreciate the amount of hard work you have put into, Seductress Succubus and I am sure with a less simplistic plot, and years of trying, you will find, a sucker, a publisher that might be prepared to publish your novel.

As it is our policy at Small Press Publications to help all aspiring authors, I have listed a few pointers that may help you improve your manuscript. Probably a complete waste of my time but I have to stick to company policy, no matter how ludicrous.

Whilst the story-line has merit, in there somewhere, buggered if I can find it though, your lack of description does not help in gripping the readers attention. I was so bored stiff I thought I was developing rigor mortis.

Punctuation, helps the reader determine the construct of your prose, so perhaps you should consider using it more frequently. Instead, of rambling on with sentences that are longer than most paragraphs. At least an occasional comma for god's sake.

Joining a critic group can be a great help to the up-and-coming new writer. I'm sick of bleating emails from authors, much better someone else tells you, you have no talent and probably never will.

And finally, perhaps you would find a creative writing course helpful, because trust me you need all the help you can get. For a start, learning to read and write properly might help.

Good luck, boy are you going to need it.

Sincerely – yeah right.

Ms. Belinda. Itch. Editor's Assistant to

B.A.Stard, Editor in chief Small Press Publications.

The above is purely from my warped imagination and in no way reflects any of the wonderful editors I have come into contact with, in the past, now or in the future.

Thanks for reading this post.

Josephine Sanchez-Vanner

No comments:

Post a Comment