The Spanky Bottom Consultation.
By Josephine Sanchez Vanner
Chapter 7 – Red Knickers and Tartan Underpants.
“You.” Audrey bellowed at full tilt across the lawn from the terrace to Giles, “Where are my Russians?”
“One's shacked up with the Chang twins and the other one is shacked up with your brother. You chose which way round it is.” Giles panted back as loudly as he could from his prone position behind the pampas grass.
From where Audrey stood on the terrace, only Giles's head was visible to her. She had no idea that in a manner of speaking, the rest of him was attached to her personal assistant, Jasper. So she had no idea they had been in the middle of gay sexual gratification and Giles had been on the verge of being very sexual gratified.
“Ignore him.” Jasper puffed, furiously wanking himself off beneath Giles. Gay sexual gratification coming at the same moment for both of them.
Giles hadn't been best pleased when he was unceremoniously chucked out of his bedroom for Audrey's visit.
“What? You want me to sleep in the fucking servants quarters?” He'd blasted at Rodney on hearing the news of his imminent departure from his extremely comfortable luxurious suite, to the drafty regions of the top floor.
With Rodders's, 'take it or leave it' attitude still stinging at him, he'd bumped a hastily packed suitcase up the 3 flights of stairs to the spartan prison cell misery of the attic.
"If you wan baf you wan fo yoself. Bafroom downstairs.” Dolores said to Giles as they passed on the narrow stairway.
"Fuck off.” He replied peeved at having to sleep where the servant did. His misery was compounded when he surveyed the dusty junk filled room, and the narrow camp-bed he was expected to get a good nights sleep on.
He had no idea that Dolores, had taken over most of the attic servants quarters and made them into her own private apartment, including the only bathroom. Neither did he, or Dolores, know, that some of the centuries of junk she had found in the unused attic rooms and dumped in Giles's room, to make way for her apartment, were worth millions.
"And fuck you too, Rodders.” He spat bitterly.
"I'd rather fuck you.” The heavenly voice of Jasper had said as he came through the door.
Now as he lay naked on the lawn in warm sunshine, with a wonderful glow of sexual fulfillment covering his body, his hand resting on Jasper's spent cock, everything had been forgotten and Rodders, almost forgiven.
Playing his fingers idly over Jasper's moist tip, he wished his affair with this tall blond, Adonis of fuckhood, would not end when the week-end did. He day-dreamed of him and Jasper, together running, 'The Bottom's Up'. The best gay bar in Upper Rawlings, and making a fortune in the process.
As if reading his mind, Jasper rolled over onto his side and said, “You know Giles, I could stay here with you, forever. I don't want to go back to London and carry on being Audrey's lackey. Shame I can't. She may be a first rate bitch but she also pays first rate wages. So off I go back to London, first thing in the morning.” Sighing a deep unhappy sigh, he flopped back on to the lawn.
Giles's sweet dream melted before his eyes. He had tried all his life to be an honest man. And up until now, he had no reason not to be such a person. Love however, does strange things to the normally level headed.
He was doing all the hard work, he mused. He was organizing the day to day running of the brothel, and seeing very little of the huge profits that Rodney was making. Why, he told himself, shouldn't he have some extra moolar, enough say to open, 'The Bottom's Up'?
A plan formulated itself, in Giles's furtive mind. He took Jasper's limp love stick into his mouth and began to suck. Springing up, erect and ready for action, Jasper's throbbing penis, gave Giles time to think. He always did his best scheming, whilst sucking on the end of a hard cock. Between licks, sucks and wet kisses, an idea groped it's way into Giles's mind.
Rodney always had far more than he ever appreciated. Until he had been evicted from his room and dumped in the attic, Giles hadn't realized just how far, far more, went.
Decision made, sucking hard and fast, Giles brought Jasper rapidly to his third orgasm of the morning.
Gulping down Jasper's love juice, he asked,“Would you like to open a gay bar with me, and hum move in with me as well?”
Giles wasn't quite sure if he heard Jasper say, “Yes.” Until Jasper turned him over and showed him, he had his full support for the idea of the two of them doing, 'Bottom's Up' together.
"But where are we going to get the money from?” Jasper queried sometime later as they were driving to Upper Rawlings in Giles's beaten up old Land Rover.
"Were going to see a friend of mine. He's in the antique business and he owes me several favors.” Seeing Jasper hadn't quite grasped what he was talking about he continued, “All that old junk piled in our room, well some of it isn't. I'm going to get him to tell me which bits are valuable and then I'm going to pinch them and get him to fence them for me.”
Giles waited expectantly for Jasper's reaction, when he said, “Bloody good idea.” He almost wet himself with relief.
"Bloody typical.” Audrey swore at a passing male consort as she stormed up the staircase to her brother's bedroom, “Fucking bloody typical. Useless all my childhood now he's sodded up the biggest business deal of my entire life. Bloody, bloody typical.”
In a whirlwind of fury she reached his bedroom door. As he didn't give a shit about destroying her life, she saw no reason to worry about doing the same to his. Audrey grabbed the door-handle and without knocking flung it open and marched into the room.
"I might have known you'd do something like this, you ball of rat's droppings. What in god's name do you mean by screwing the wife of my bloody billionaire client?” Audrey ranted at Rodney before realizing she was also ranting at Olga.
Olga, straddled across Rodney, her buttocks doing an impression of two large bouncing balls, giggled her presence.
"Hello Audrey.” She panted between bounces, “Be with you in a moment.”
“Erm.....erm....” Audrey said by way of an apology as she quietly closed the door behind her. For the first time in her life, Audrey was not quite sure what to do. Should she stay outside the room and wait for them to finish, then try again? Or should she quietly creep away and drown herself in the fish pond? The decision was made for her by the Chang twins.
"S'cuse us. Do you know where Mrs Pullemov is?” They asked.
The two identical oriental woman standing in-front of her, registered with Audrey as being the second reason her life had suddenly fallen apart. “You.” She screeched, “What have you been doing with my Russian?”
"Are you Mrs Pullemov?” They asked unconcerned.
"No I am.” Olga appeared at the door wearing a see-through negligee which did nothing to hide the skimpy bright red knickers that were clamped to her ample hips, “Who wants to know?” She asked her bosom still heaving from her recent exertions.
"You might like to see this.” The twins said offering showing Olga a DVD disk.
"I'll take that.” Audrey said gabbing the disk and taking command.
It was obvious to her that Olga had no idea who the twins were or what they had been up to with her husband and as she had a good idea what was on the DVD, it stood to reason, she should be the one to negotiate, “We'll have to watch it first, but how much do you want for it?”
"Half a million.”
“Roubles?” Olga quizzed.
"Don't be bloody daft. Half a million quid. Pound sterling or the equivalent in US dollars. We've got another copy, so have a look and come and find us in the Jacuzzi.” Considering what a self-absorbed, egotistic limp dick of a lover Olek was, the Chang twins thought the DVD was cheap at the price. Any woman with half a brain cell would have been pleased to be rid of the ass-hole.
"Give them a million.” Olga burst out as soon as the DVD, she, Rodney and Audrey were watching had finished.
"No. No I will give them two million. Don't you see the company, the money and everything is all mine.” Olga sang hugging Rodney and Audrey in her ample arms, “I am rid of that overbearing excuse for a husband. Oh Rodney dahling, I can be yours.”
"That's wonderful.” Audrey tried to sound enthusiastic but the unsigned contract laying in her briefcase, gave her very little to be enthusiastic about. She sensed all those wonderful millions slipping from her grasp and landing in the grubby paws of the Chang twins.
"Oh Audrey. How can I ever thank you?” Olga asked.
By signing that frigging contract. Audrey was about to reply but she never got the chance.
Olga pulled Audrey closer to her sizable breasts and said, “And you my dear new sister are going to be head of my airline and oil freighter company.”
"Me? Why?” Audrey managed to ask between squeezes.
"Of course you. We're going to be family and as my dear Dada always said – keep business in the family, then you can poison them at Sunday lunch if they cheat you. Just kidding dahling. Now let's go and find my ex-husband and give him the good news that he's about to get a divorce. And I'm going to get an English lord for a husband.”
"Ah about that.” Rodney began rubbing his index finger around the inside edge of his shirt collar.
"About you not being an English lord? Don't worry we'll buy you a title. I had you and this place checked out as soon as Audrey invited us here. They didn't tell me you were running a brothel though. I shall see that Serge fires them for that.”
Olga's plump face puckered as her eyes narrowed and her expression took on a menacing glow that sent shivers down Audrey's spine. On the occasions Audrey had met Olek and Olga's bodyguards, they had never spoken to her. They merely grunted and exposed their very prominent weapons to her. She had the distinct and decidedly unpleasant feeling that Olga meant fired in a literal sense.
"And once I've got rid of Olek, cleared this place out of all your perverted paying guests, and we have Rawlings Hall back to ourselves, I will organize the most lavish wedding. We'll marry in the Rawlings Hall chapel and have the reception here in the house.” Olga announced as a done deal.
Brother and sister had never been close but as they exchanged glances with each other, an unspoken horror encrusted understanding jumped between them.
Be careful what you wish for – it might just happen.
The characters in this short novella are not based on any real person and are purely fictional from the author's furtive imagination.
I hope you enjoyed this 7th chapter in my naughty novella -
Chapter 8 – Oligarchs, bodyguards and things that go bump in the night.
Josephine Sanchez Vanner
Half Blood – Turning the Pages Magazine, 2013 Adventure Book of the Year & 2013 Paranormal Book of the year.
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